Mainly For Brummies But All Are Welcome To Join In The Birmingham Fun & Chat


RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3616 by Sheldonboy , Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:34 pm

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death !


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.


My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .” Sod that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"


Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.


A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you’re obviously not listening.


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."


When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloomin thing


Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.


Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!


A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked


Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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Last edited 06.14.2012 | Top

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3617 by astoness , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:15 am

[Laugh Out Loud][Laugh Out Loud]...love the jokes SB..

good morning all...[Big Smile]


 
astoness

Granny
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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3618 by Sheldonboy , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:45 am

Good morning Lyn and everyone, yes they should have been in Funnies but I was tired.


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3619 by Sheldonboy , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:47 am

According to the sattelite picture and the weather forecast we are about to get three months rain in three days.


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3620 by signman ( deleted ) , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:47 am

Morning Lyn and anyone else up and about.
Rain all night,but now nice and sunny,very mild.
Got about 20 shirts to wash,plus other boring stuff,1 sign to deliver,chicken curry to cook,and then the day is my own.


signman

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3621 by Sheldonboy , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:50 am

Easy day then John


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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Posts: 43.994
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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3622 by astoness , Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:58 am

morning john....weather about the same here too but more rain expected...its getting beyond a joke now.[Frowning]


 
astoness

Granny
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Date registered 02.24.2010


RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3623 by signman ( deleted ) , Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:11 am

No rest for the wicked Graham,just finished a design, and now going to have breakfast,my stomach thinks my throats been cut.


signman

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3624 by astoness , Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:44 am

just been up to Tesco's and they are closed due to flooding...[Hammer Head Yellow]


 
astoness

Granny
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Last edited 06.15.2012 | Top

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3625 by Sheldonboy , Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:47 am

Blimey they must be practicing for when the deluge comes. [Sunbathing]


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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Posts: 43.994
Date registered 12.22.2009


RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3626 by astoness , Fri Jun 15, 2012 8:03 am

Posted by Sheldonboy
Blimey they must be practicing for when the deluge comes. [Sunbathing]




[Laugh Out Loud] hopefully they will be open again after the mopping up...


 
astoness

Granny
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Posts: 15.014
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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3627 by phil ( deleted ) , Fri Jun 15, 2012 8:04 am

It must have rained quite a bit last night as I've just come back in after dropping the wife at the sons and there are great pools of surface water about.

phil

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3628 by astoness , Fri Jun 15, 2012 8:06 am

morning phil...I gather it didn't stop all night...


 
astoness

Granny
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Posts: 15.014
Date registered 02.24.2010

Last edited 06.15.2012 | Top

RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3629 by Voltman , Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:40 am

Morning folks,

I was awake at 3am and could hear the rain still hammering it down, which it was doing just after midnight.


I hate unfinished sente
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RE: OPEN ALL HOURS

#3630 by Sheldonboy , Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:50 am

Morning Volty, nice to see you are up now.


I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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Posts: 43.994
Date registered 12.22.2009


   


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