RE: Open All Hours - 143

#2131 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:22 pm

WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for
centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race
... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ...
you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough ..... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a
boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a
boring repetitive job with low pay ..... you should get off your lazy
behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ...
that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ..... its equal
opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep
quiet ...... its male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you
don't ...... you're an insensitive Pig. If you make a decision without
consulting her ...... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If
SHE asks you ... it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and
frilly underwear ...... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're
sexist.. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself
in shape ...... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy
her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not
thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of
yourself. If you're not proud of your achievements ... you're not
ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache
...... you don't love her anymore.

WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST...? COS THEY WANT TO.....

#2132 by astoness , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:39 pm

SB..i will have you know i worked very hard for me dough...thats was in the early 70s you know....and now i feel a hammering coming on.. [Hammers]

#2133 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:43 pm

Ok girl you can have one [Come on Then]

#2134 by berniew , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:43 pm

See what you mean SB

#2135 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:45 pm

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Keith and the other called Kristian..

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Keith said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted' Lo and behold, Keith turned into a shark.

Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Keith found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Keith didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Keith swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

'Where's Kristian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Keith, your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Keith cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........

.'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'

#2136 by mikejee , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:49 pm

I agree SB its much worse
Mike

#2137 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:52 pm

sorry Mr Mike, which bit do you agree with I'm not used to being agreed with. [So Sad]

#2138 by astoness , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:09 pm

evening mike.. [Big Smile] .and please dont agree with SB..on his own admittance it does not happen very often and when it does it only confuses him.. [Laugh Out Loud]

#2139 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:10 pm

#2140 by astoness , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:19 pm

[Laugh Out Loud] see now looks what happened to him....take deep breaths and put yer head between yer legs SB .....then go have a strong cup of coffee....lol

#2141 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:21 pm

OK Miss.... [Frying Pan]

#2142 by Sheldonboy , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:26 pm

Goodnight [Gone to Bed] [Come on Then]

I could have been a Contender.

#2143 by astoness , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:31 pm

[Funny] SB thats saved me wacking you on the head...changing the subject i do hope the council dont think ive lost the plot..i booked a bulk rubbish collection for tomorrow morning...5 items...my son put the said items out the front about an hour ago and the tat man has just been round and taken 3 of the items....i reckon they must know that bulk collections are only ever on a saturday morning...

#2144 by astoness , Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:33 pm

crikey your early to bed....good night sleepy head...

#2145 by mikejee , Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:06 pm

SB
The bit I agreed with was;
The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse
Lyn
You've got to make him feel wanted.
Don't often have scrap men round here, though soon after the pub down the road closed, someone did nick all the metal grills that they put up over the windows to stop people getting in
Mike

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